Contrary to popular belief, there actually are some dudettes in the 90210 Party gang, this is not some sort of he-man woman haters club. 

                      

C’mon, who else would we sexually harass, proposition for handjobs on rainy Sunday afternoons, or ask questions about outfits, perfect first date spots and the location of the elusive clitoris? (it’s right under the clitoral hood, ya dangus)  As always we will let the female speak, but only when spoken to.  Being that this is one of our final posts we’ve said a lot so it is time that I give you, straight from the mouth of Kate (where most of us have been before), the female perspective on this most legendary of bashes, which takes place tomorrow, September 2, 2010 at M1-5 (52 Walker Street, NYC) at 10:00pm.  For the full effect, read this with your higher, more feminine internal voice:

Between the titties and the tatas, the breastisties and the boobies- here at the 90210 Party site we’ve heard very little from the ladies behind the hoots…

Until now.

So sure guys watched Bev. And sure they could relate.

What adolescent male did not want to have an adjoining bathroom with his twin sister like Brandon Walsh? Who among them did not have wet dreams about their blind piano teacher ala David Silver? Show me the kid that would not have liked to relocate for seasons 7-8 after he took down an entire zip code like Dylan McKay. And while Steve was the weak link, it should be noted that even Nat pulled in some puss with his patented Peach Pit pickup lines.

But as girls growing up in the 90’s, the late Aaron Spelling did more than just tickle our pubic bone, he created a cast of female characters worthy of even the most impressionable minds admiration.  He made the world a better place for us girls, and thus makes us better young women.

 Let’s take a look at the facts, shall we?

Donna Martin Graduated.   She finally did it.

Girl battled dyslexia, a case of the drunksies at Senior Prom and a missing breastbone to show the BH administration that though she was not as hot nor as smart as her classmates, she too deserved to go to fake college. Donna pioneered the way for the young Lindsey Lohan’s and Paris Hilton’s of the world by proving that if you’re a little bit dumb and a lotta bit rich, you can do whatever your wallet puts it’s mint too. Lesson learned.

                            

Thank you Donna.

 

Andrea Zuckerman Impregnated. In just 9 months at college, Andrea turned around that nerdy Ivy League image she rep’d so hard while at West Beverley High and went from dork to stork in a classic teen mom ‘She’s All That’ storyline.

What’s Zuckerman’s Path to Success you ask? It’s easy! Just follow these simple steps:

1. Have a name like Andrea (pronounced Ahn-drea, certainly not Ann-drea)

2. Find cater waiter to have unprotected sex with

3. Rinse & repeat. 

And boom! Just like that- you’ve bred a Mexican/Jewish hybrid.

Kelly Taylor Overcame. Not since Jessie Spano conquered being overly excited and too scared has a female lead prevailed against obstacles like our Spring Princess Kelly Taylor. 

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In a 10 year span Kelly: lost her virginity in a bush, burnt in a fire, had her very own stalker, got raped, got amnesia, killed her rapist, had an alcoholic mother, called off 3 proposals, miscarried, got brainwashed by cult,  and had a temporary coke addiction. Her greatest feat of all- emerging the victor in a feud with former best friend Brenda Walsh in the original Team Edward/Jacob rivalry of Generation Next. Bravo Team Kelly! We commend your courage

 

So there you have it.

I’m here today to spread the feminist word and to ensure you that despite the fact that this entire party was concocted by a few 11 -year boy brains in the hopes of getting blown (editor’s note, they will) — the 90210 Party Gang has done growed up.  Yes they still enjoy head, but somewhere along the way they’ve become my Brandon, Dylan, David, Steve, Nat, Ray Pruett, Jim Walsh and Jesse Vasquez the Cater Waiter.  And as if their adult ways weren’t good times enough- they even support women’s rights! 

I’ve made my pledge! Now in the spirit of solidarity and in tribute to the sistahs that helped pave the way for us, come on out to the 90210 party and let’s ban the bra together!

It appears that someone actually watched the show…weirdo.  Whether you watched the show or not, we will see you at the 9.02.10 Party!  Tomorrow night (9/02/10) at M1-5, at 10:00pm, don’t be late!!!